A story I was told

matt — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 22:46:06 +0000

A couple of weeks ago I was at my place of employment–Coldstone Creamery. My boss (let’s call him Andy), two other guys, and I were putzing around because it was a really slow day. Andy decided that then would be a good time to tell me a true story of one of his friends. I will recant it for you:

One day a girl (I don’t know her name, so she gets to be call Blanche) in New York city was asked to dog-sit for this family as they were going out of town for the weekend. She had specific instructions to take care of the dog, as it was old and rather ill.

Because that’s how life works, the dog died while she was taking care of it. In a frantic, she called the family in tears. How could she have killed their beloved Fido? The family, as it turns out, wasn’t all that upset. They calmed her and told her that it was ok. They asked her to take the dog to get creamated, and informed her that they would reimburse her when they got back.

Blanche agreed to this and began to prepare for her trip to the dog crematory. Because god was just pissing in Blanche’s general direction that day, she realized that the only thing she had to transport the dead canine in was her suitcase. Reluctantly, she stuffed the body inside.

Because she had no car, and she was in New York City, she took her pooch-filled bag onto the subway. Upon arriving at her stop, she found it very difficult the haul the heavy bag up the stairs out from the subway. Noticing that she was having trouble, a kind man approached Blanche and offered to help her carry the bag. As the man carried it, he turned to Blanche and said, “Geez this thing is heavy! What’cha got in here?” Not wanting to admit to subway-dwelling stranger that she had a dead dog in the bag, she simply replied, “computer parts.”

At this, the man exclaimed, “Computer parts?!” and punched Blanche in the stomach and ran off with the bag–dead dog and all.

Blanche never confessed any of the to the family, and she never got her bag back. I only wish I could have seen the look on the man’s face when he opened the bag only to find a rotting animal inside.

The End.

Matt Hodges

A story I was told